Love? Why do we love who we love? I wish you would post a response on FB: Why do you love who you love?
Ugh, I started ten minutes ago with the obvious: Who we love is not dictated by social parameters; Your parents, your relationship status, your education blah blah blah...of course it is.
Who we love is certainly defined by those things; the, Good girl meets Bad boy, only goes so far when you are an adult, as does the 'wrong side of the tracks attraction'. Those things certainly have bearing, they are just changed by the Who we Love demographic.
Who we love? Suffice it to say that once you leave your twenty-somethings, the opportunity to meet, mix and mingle with people outside your filter bubble deteriorates. You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone you meet at your next social gathering will be:
A)of the same socio-economic class as you
B)in agreement on how your children should be raised/college aspirations
C)in support of gay marriage (or at least will tell you they are)
D)happy that hockey is on (or if they aren't, then their partner is)
Not a bad place to be; life is good, the Sabres have won their first two games against their worst rivals, your mortgage is paid this month, the kids have gotten into at least one of their top three prep-school choices, and your close boy-friends, not that there's anything wrong with that, are getting married.
So, who we love? Sometimes it's proximity-admit it. The more time you spend with a person, the more attractive they become. Alternately, if you can't stand the individual, you may need to stick a sharp stick in their side. Proximity does wonders for friendships, love interests, and, your children. I think there are several traits my own loves and said children exhibit that I am blind to. Right? Love is blind? Love is not blind, one chooses to BE blind. Then why does it drive me bat-shit when you ignore my texts, roll your eyes at me and scoff, yes, scoff, at my comments.
Translation: For many relationships: I don't like what I see, so I will pretend it isn't there.. How does that impact relationships? If the faults are minor, you move forward, everyone has issues, no one is perfect. If the faults are mind-numbing, or irreconcilable, then it becomes an issue of what is best for you and those you love. I have a very close friend currently going through that self-analysis. I would not entertain the notion that I can give advice. I don't wish that task on any one.
Who we love? Who we love , some loves never change. I ADORE my sweet girls right now. They are challenging, brutally honest, judgmental and kind. I won't swap them for ANYTHING, EVER. Who we love, though, changes every day. If you have never uttered a response to a child's comment, "I HATE YOU" that is similar to, "Good, then I am doing my job." or, "Good. I don't like you either." then you don't have children or the wonderful opportunity to hang out with them.
Other loves change-more to be considered
But, yet again, I digress, sorry, I do that often. OK, it's like my friend Elizabeth says, "When you get one text from Jenn, you get two." <insert BITE ME> "Because she has to finish her thoughts, all of them."
OK, back to Who we Love and Why we Love who we Love
-proximity?need?excitement? Does love wax and wane like the rest of the interests in your life? Do you one day wake up and think, "I'm going to sew teddy bears for the next craft show, 'cause I LOVE teddy bears, and I can!" only to wake up two days later in the midst of fluff and stuff and button eyes to scream, "AUGHHHH! get me the fuck out of here!!"
GET ME OUT-Love wanes , I'm not telling you anything new, but it makes you feel better when someone else admits it..part of ever relationship should be an opt-out that opts you out of emotional decisions for a set period of time. Kind of a "Honey, today is not a really good day to push me on this.....guess what, tomorrow sucks too."
Ooops, hit a nerve? If one of you can raise your hand and admit that you have NEVER felt that way in your current relationship, well, please email me, as I will hand this blog over to you right now. Come on, y'all are chicken. And don't think <Poor Jenn's husband, Don....> Trust me, he feels that way. Often.
Seriously. Blogging is hard. I get lots of suggestions from my many readers, all 10 of you. Most of them compost in my brain until I can find a way to write about them; many just get tossed (really, another blog post on men and their junk? Go write your own).
OK, so back to waxing and waning, working at a relationship is hard. Throw in multiple relationships and hard turns into NEXT TO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. More often I am involved in relationships that transcend just the two-we are friends, but include the...let's add this other couple, or my ex-girlfriend, or my ex-wife, or soon-to-be ex-wife; cause that's legal now, and we are friends; can I add Don? He's pretty level-headed and funny. Can I add my friend Elizabeth? She is raw but realistic. I think I should change my FB relationship status to "Its complicated".
So Who we Love? My loves make my stomach flip for roller coasters, worms, sushi and and a stolen kiss(with tongue), a quick cup of coffee, an unexpected goal at a hockey game, ice skating, skiing, a text or small "love you mom' note on my pillow, and a Ping to let me know. Love makes you feel like you can take on the world, and like you can't even answer the telephone. If you love, love deeply. It's so worth it.
