Break it to YOU Gently- One More Time

Tonight I wanted to write a response to a wonderful article written by Katia Hetter (CNN) and shared on FB by my smart, talented and gorgeous friend Meg McM

www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html
This is a great commentary on what we ask our children to do out of politeness, and what we ask them to sacrifice. I recently had to intervene on behalf of my daughters, and politely ask a certain individual to 'step back'.

The line between childhood and adulthood is so blurred, and guess what? My daughters, while kind, gentle, intelligent young women and kick-ass athletes,  do not need to prove they are such, to you, guest in my home. They do not need to prove this by racing you around the block, arm wrestling, or (GAG) seeing if they are strong enough to escape from your 'grasp'.  G-A-S-P! It was all I could do to politely kick this man's ass out of my house and politely inform him he was not invited back. All while conveying to my girls that it is OK not to be 'polite'.

So, as I was rallying myself to write
(and I'm not a writer, it's like sex with your spouse; it has to be done. It's enjoyable while you do it, but then you forget it's not that bad and have to psych yourself up to do it again. And DON'T be nodding in agreement, women friends. That's a joke. Writing is hard, sex, OK, I give up...<GRIN>...)

Anyway, I was thinking about Hetter's article, and some of the negative press she received, people were all up in arms about our children following our directions, but I was also thinking about my recent post.

Think about this:
"The message a child gets is that not only is another person's emotional state their responsibility but that they must also sacrifice their own [personal space/emotional state] to buoy another's ego or satisfy their desire for love or affection," Jennifer Lehr [Hetter]

So I touched nerves with my Who Loves Who post. I got backlash and ooph, someone told me to fuck off....it's just like high school. And take note, Lehr was writing about children.

Your emotional state is your responsibility, but your adult BEHAVIOR influences the emotional state of the ones you surround yourself with.

If you can't sleep, re-visit my posts on the right~Who we Love Doesn't Always Love Us, and the one below that was so short but pissed all 12 of you off:

Cut yourself (and me, your tooth-ache) some slack <3

Break it to YOU Gently- One More Time
REedit
Break It by Brenda Lee
One of my favorite artists, beautiful, talented and forgotten. 
Did you also know she sang, I'm Sorry. Put her on SHUFFLE with Vivaldi Winter and you could be up all night solving problems

Loves, it really isn't about YOU.  It's Karma. Karma, she's a bitch, isn't she?

I pissed several of you off when I first published this post last week. You thought it was about you.  News flash, not everything you read on the Internet is true.  Never the less, your feelings are legitimately yours, which lead me to pull this post for a couple days while I re-thought.

So here we go again...only tonight it's not Brenda Lee on iTunes, it's The Flaming Lips, and Yoshimi is battling the pink robots, again. The good news? She's a black belt in karate.

Did you think it was about you? ? Girls?
And YIKES to those of you angry at the woman who had an affair...again, the man in the situation gets a 'High-Five'. The woman gets Bitch-Slapped, literally.

Men friends,
If I pissed you off and if I touched a nerve with you, all 12 of you, do something about it. And Get the Fuck over yourself,  truly. We want what you want. And stop complaining that you are 'stupid' or 'dumb'. You know what? You would never tolerate that from an employee. ONE time and you would fire their ass.

My last advice was, 'Move forward and move on.'
 For tonight, [Listen] to Brenda Lee, the words don't matter, the heart does.
"When I fall in love..." It's just good listening.

 BUT take a note from Yoshimi:
   'Cause she knows that
    it'd be tragic
    if those evil robots win
    I know she can beat them

AND from Hetter:
"...while I hope I'm teaching my child how to take care of her/himself in the future, there are benefits to allowing her/him to express affection in their own way and on their own timeline...."

Who we love isn't always who loves us

So I have had so many readers (all 10 of you, male and female), comment on my last blog post. Many of you told me you actually thought long and hard about who you married, who you were dating, who you slept with and why...Well, here's part B of the story:

Who we love doesn't always love us. And (yes, I start a sentence with a conjunction), that is nothing but painful.

Take the wife/husband who marry because everyone is doing it. They have a couple of kids-first kid is because, 'We want a family.' Second kid is because, 'We want to save this family.' Sometimes that works, sometimes

I can't think of anything worse/harder on actually being in a relationship because you, or everyone else, thought you should be with that person. The worst part of any relationship has to be that point after all the
-promises on both parts to do better
-promises on both parts to do the laundry
-promises on both parts to make A BUDGET
-promises on both parts to have more sex
-promises on both parts to pick up their shit
-promises on both parts to have date night
-promises on both parts to actively like their friends, sports affiliations, and family .... is said and done, and it's still not enough. And you're afraid to voice that aloud.

Who we love doesn't always love us. If that is the case, let them go. If you have your freak on because someone casually mentioned they love you, GET a GRIP, really.

So who we want to love, who we wish loves us, and who we need to love -It all needs the cosmos to work. 

I read the other day that the chance of being in the right place at the right time to meet THE love of your life is one-in one-trillionth-of a trillionth...give or take several one-billionths. For those of you who fall into that statistical anomaly-my heart applauds you. It can happen.

>LISTEN: the odds of you winning powerball with the numbers 1-2-3-4-5 are no different than the odds of playing random numbers.

I have friends in the , "It's not you, it's me." phase. I have friends in the, "It's not me, it's your ex." phase. I have friends in the, "It's not me, it's YOU phase." 
And the best, "I'm not breaking up with you; I just can't do the sex thing with you right now; or, I can't think we might be thinking of sex right now (SERIOUSLY?) phase. AS I said before, we should all change our relationship status on FB to "It's complicated." 

I've spent several expensive nights out with a dear friend who is going through a difficult time. <Trust me, one cannot quantify the number of Pink Ladies, Pinot Grigios, Tall Rum and diets, and my favorite-her latest, Fat Bastards, that will dull the ache> Anyway, Don has been scrutinizing my charges and offering to get me 'help'.

I digress, this friend is going through a tough spot. I'm not sure what to tell her. Maybe you can help, Maybe you are there, Maybe you were there. Here it is in all its nakedness, truly. 

~An attractive woman who has a lot to offer, she's married, he's married. A relationship ensues (I didn't ask if it was physical, does it matter?), he breaks it off and plays the, "It's not you. It's me," card.

She can't even allow herself the appropriate time or space to breathe...She hasn't told anyone...she can't really call in the the neighbors and say, "Hey, I need a little me time."

HE would get a High-Five from the guys for his activities.  She would get the finger from every woman she knows~those who have strayed and those who have not. Advice for the love-lorn? And on a side note, I got some backlash on this very thing last night...someone said, "That friend of yours needs to deal." <SIGH> you are missing the point; it's not about dealing with one failed relationship and moving on. It's never that simple.

And while we are discussing relationships, let's have at it:

Valentine's Day (which I do agree-bah-humbug, but that's me), or as I heard it called, Singles Awareness Day. <GUFFAW> Really? I can't go there? Is it to raise awareness and remind you that yes, you are single or is it to raise awareness that no one likes you the other 364 days of the year either...? WTF

Anyway, Valentine's Day, and mind you, I think there may be a place in Hallmark cards for Singles Awareness Day...

MEN-playing hockey on Valentine's Day is not an excuse to bail out on telling the woman you love (or think you love) that she matters (see story above, be careful) 
MEN-just because the woman in your life is out of town and things are not great, CALL HER, fucking CALL HER (see story above, be careful)
MEN-that roommate, as you call her, that cooks, cleans, puts up with your shit and has sex when you want-tell her thank you (see story above, be careful)

If I sound a bit anti-relationship, sorry. I ordered THIRTY of the "If you can't get your shit together, find another Valentine" cards, and I was told they were back-ordered. I wanted to send them to all my friends, male and female. 

Here is what I know, and some times Love really really sucks-AND Christ, all you guys take a deep breath-when we say LOVE, here's what I know: it's usually just strong LIKE. 

If we really meant love, you would know it because you wouldn't be able to stand UP, leave the bedroom and go to the kitchen to get us that glass of water, trust me.

So for those of you breaking into chills at the word LOVE, get over yourself. We LIKE you, we LOVE sunshine, puppies, flowers, chocolate, drinks with umbrellas, the first snowdrops, a dog on our feet, a door held open for us, steak done to perfection, someone who notices our joke...we really may love you, but don't panic, we are not IN LOVE WITH you....like a puppy,  yeah...

Here goes. 
Like of the moment is sweating when you stand near that person, catching your breath, feeling your hair and skin tingle. I think that's pheromones, men, no need to panic.

Like of the moment is meeting the person that you agreed to meet for lunch and a 'maybe' romantic tryst, and watching him blush.

Like of the moment is meeting a man and 4 months later meeting him again  and having him declare "He had been thinking for months how to get you into his home", not your pants, his home. <SIDE note: I heard you invited a woman as your <safe> date, really? To block that she-devil? BAH- get over yourself)

Love of the moment just means we appreciate the moment. Live in it. The women you know do, give them credit. 

**I have many opportunities to talk with men and woman. Believe it or not, most of the stories toight are from my men friends...