Overheard in a bar, Don't go away MAD; just go away

So, I had the opportunity to enjoy a drink at McPartlan's Corner Inc. (Note to self, their FB page says "Inc." must-include-the-inc)

I'm not one to turn my nose up at a dive bar, and I'd never been to McPartlan's (Inc.) I drive by it every day on the way to work and somewhat acknowledge there is a sort of tavern on the property, but hadn't given it much thought. So, when the invitation presented itself, off I went, eagerly.

I think my fellow companion and I lowered the collective age in the bar by at least 30 years.  It turns out, it didn't matter. What you have always known, and suspected, is that it really doesn't matter if you are twenty-two, thirty-eight or eighty-eight, the conversation will inevitably deteriorate, as they often do while having cocktails. 

Patrick, the bar tender, knew everyone by name. Hell, they've been coming there for at least 40 years. We heard how the other bartender REALLY broke her ankle, saw some subtle flirtation in the corner that was not so subtle, and the gentleman next to me apologized profusely for their behavior (It's OK, I have heard the line, "One more shot for me. Better get him one too."). Obviously, I was the new girl in town, but more then welcome to return.

But my favorite line, overheard at the bar that day?
"Don't go away mad. Just go away." It was said in jest. We all had a good laugh, but really?

Words to live by. Count your blessings and cut your losses. Quit the people and things that don't play 'nice' in your life, and remember, don't go away mad. Just go away. Take care of you.

Who's your Paddy, What's your Beef, or Fuck YOU you Fucking fuck

You decide.....In honor of the Irish (pasta and potatoes here, friends~Irish and Italian, that's why you love me but find me so damn infuriating).

Shout out to Jenifer for suggesting I write about the best way to cook corned beef.
Shout out to Paul for using FB as his social worker and parole officer.
Shout out to Ann for the awesome t-shirt that says, Fuck YOU, you fucking fuck (you win the prize).

That kind of sums relationships up. How do you cook your corned beef? Think about it...

Do you put it in the crock pot (slow cooker for anyone under the age of 30) and let it go for 8 hours, unattended?

Do you boil it for hours (suggested Food Network critics say 45-60 min per pound), check it every so often and enjoy the results.

Do you throw it in the pot, realize you screwed it up, take it out, rinse it off, try again (don't forget that nasty little piece of stuff that looks like a kotex and is designed to absorb extra moisture-oh shit, it's stuck to the back-take it back out of the pot), apologize to all your FBBFFs that you may have ruined the party with your obsessive apologizing, re-post in case people missed it, and throw it in the pot, again?

Do you oven roast it with beer and baste it, cover it, uncover it, and let it sit for 30 minutes, post-hot oven so all the juices mingle?

St Patrick suggested that how you cook corned beef, is probably how you approach your relationships.
-Does your love slowly simmer unattended all day with nary a glance?
-Does your love sit on the back burner most of the day with a few sniffs, nibbles and pokes until you finally decide it's time?
-Has your love told you it's time to get your shit together, stop using FB as your sounding board (your friends only hit "LIKE" because they don't know what to say...)
-Or do you glance longingly at your love as she/he simmers, bubbles and basks in the heat, while knowing they are adored and someone is waiting for them?

It's no secret food and relationship are analogous, but let's put it another way:

-IF you let your love simmer all day unattended, he/she will become tough, dry and unpleasant

-IF you put your love on the back burner with an occasional text, punctuated with some seasoning that blasts them for noticing they have been placed on the back burner, you wind up with this:  "I can't handle the pressures of corned beef, potatoes AND carrots...They make me want to explode"
**Note to friend: YOU are the one that put yourself in that position-one cannot be compared to the other (nor should they), and NONE of them are similar, get over it. They all taste different, be smart and don't go out for cabbage.

-IF you post your drama all over FB and apologize for bad behavior but don't change it, well, then your love reverts to #1, tough, dry and unpleasant.

-BUT, if you are one of those chefs that adds a little wine or Guinness and cooks their corned beef slowly in a hot oven, with a lot of attention, basting, turning, checking the temperature, adjusting if things get too hot or unpleasant, then-hats off to YOU. Everyone will be knocking on your door to get some.

Break it to YOU Gently- One More Time

Tonight I wanted to write a response to a wonderful article written by Katia Hetter (CNN) and shared on FB by my smart, talented and gorgeous friend Meg McM

www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html
This is a great commentary on what we ask our children to do out of politeness, and what we ask them to sacrifice. I recently had to intervene on behalf of my daughters, and politely ask a certain individual to 'step back'.

The line between childhood and adulthood is so blurred, and guess what? My daughters, while kind, gentle, intelligent young women and kick-ass athletes,  do not need to prove they are such, to you, guest in my home. They do not need to prove this by racing you around the block, arm wrestling, or (GAG) seeing if they are strong enough to escape from your 'grasp'.  G-A-S-P! It was all I could do to politely kick this man's ass out of my house and politely inform him he was not invited back. All while conveying to my girls that it is OK not to be 'polite'.

So, as I was rallying myself to write
(and I'm not a writer, it's like sex with your spouse; it has to be done. It's enjoyable while you do it, but then you forget it's not that bad and have to psych yourself up to do it again. And DON'T be nodding in agreement, women friends. That's a joke. Writing is hard, sex, OK, I give up...<GRIN>...)

Anyway, I was thinking about Hetter's article, and some of the negative press she received, people were all up in arms about our children following our directions, but I was also thinking about my recent post.

Think about this:
"The message a child gets is that not only is another person's emotional state their responsibility but that they must also sacrifice their own [personal space/emotional state] to buoy another's ego or satisfy their desire for love or affection," Jennifer Lehr [Hetter]

So I touched nerves with my Who Loves Who post. I got backlash and ooph, someone told me to fuck off....it's just like high school. And take note, Lehr was writing about children.

Your emotional state is your responsibility, but your adult BEHAVIOR influences the emotional state of the ones you surround yourself with.

If you can't sleep, re-visit my posts on the right~Who we Love Doesn't Always Love Us, and the one below that was so short but pissed all 12 of you off:

Cut yourself (and me, your tooth-ache) some slack <3

Break it to YOU Gently- One More Time
REedit
Break It by Brenda Lee
One of my favorite artists, beautiful, talented and forgotten. 
Did you also know she sang, I'm Sorry. Put her on SHUFFLE with Vivaldi Winter and you could be up all night solving problems

Loves, it really isn't about YOU.  It's Karma. Karma, she's a bitch, isn't she?

I pissed several of you off when I first published this post last week. You thought it was about you.  News flash, not everything you read on the Internet is true.  Never the less, your feelings are legitimately yours, which lead me to pull this post for a couple days while I re-thought.

So here we go again...only tonight it's not Brenda Lee on iTunes, it's The Flaming Lips, and Yoshimi is battling the pink robots, again. The good news? She's a black belt in karate.

Did you think it was about you? ? Girls?
And YIKES to those of you angry at the woman who had an affair...again, the man in the situation gets a 'High-Five'. The woman gets Bitch-Slapped, literally.

Men friends,
If I pissed you off and if I touched a nerve with you, all 12 of you, do something about it. And Get the Fuck over yourself,  truly. We want what you want. And stop complaining that you are 'stupid' or 'dumb'. You know what? You would never tolerate that from an employee. ONE time and you would fire their ass.

My last advice was, 'Move forward and move on.'
 For tonight, [Listen] to Brenda Lee, the words don't matter, the heart does.
"When I fall in love..." It's just good listening.

 BUT take a note from Yoshimi:
   'Cause she knows that
    it'd be tragic
    if those evil robots win
    I know she can beat them

AND from Hetter:
"...while I hope I'm teaching my child how to take care of her/himself in the future, there are benefits to allowing her/him to express affection in their own way and on their own timeline...."

Who we love isn't always who loves us

So I have had so many readers (all 10 of you, male and female), comment on my last blog post. Many of you told me you actually thought long and hard about who you married, who you were dating, who you slept with and why...Well, here's part B of the story:

Who we love doesn't always love us. And (yes, I start a sentence with a conjunction), that is nothing but painful.

Take the wife/husband who marry because everyone is doing it. They have a couple of kids-first kid is because, 'We want a family.' Second kid is because, 'We want to save this family.' Sometimes that works, sometimes

I can't think of anything worse/harder on actually being in a relationship because you, or everyone else, thought you should be with that person. The worst part of any relationship has to be that point after all the
-promises on both parts to do better
-promises on both parts to do the laundry
-promises on both parts to make A BUDGET
-promises on both parts to have more sex
-promises on both parts to pick up their shit
-promises on both parts to have date night
-promises on both parts to actively like their friends, sports affiliations, and family .... is said and done, and it's still not enough. And you're afraid to voice that aloud.

Who we love doesn't always love us. If that is the case, let them go. If you have your freak on because someone casually mentioned they love you, GET a GRIP, really.

So who we want to love, who we wish loves us, and who we need to love -It all needs the cosmos to work. 

I read the other day that the chance of being in the right place at the right time to meet THE love of your life is one-in one-trillionth-of a trillionth...give or take several one-billionths. For those of you who fall into that statistical anomaly-my heart applauds you. It can happen.

>LISTEN: the odds of you winning powerball with the numbers 1-2-3-4-5 are no different than the odds of playing random numbers.

I have friends in the , "It's not you, it's me." phase. I have friends in the, "It's not me, it's your ex." phase. I have friends in the, "It's not me, it's YOU phase." 
And the best, "I'm not breaking up with you; I just can't do the sex thing with you right now; or, I can't think we might be thinking of sex right now (SERIOUSLY?) phase. AS I said before, we should all change our relationship status on FB to "It's complicated." 

I've spent several expensive nights out with a dear friend who is going through a difficult time. <Trust me, one cannot quantify the number of Pink Ladies, Pinot Grigios, Tall Rum and diets, and my favorite-her latest, Fat Bastards, that will dull the ache> Anyway, Don has been scrutinizing my charges and offering to get me 'help'.

I digress, this friend is going through a tough spot. I'm not sure what to tell her. Maybe you can help, Maybe you are there, Maybe you were there. Here it is in all its nakedness, truly. 

~An attractive woman who has a lot to offer, she's married, he's married. A relationship ensues (I didn't ask if it was physical, does it matter?), he breaks it off and plays the, "It's not you. It's me," card.

She can't even allow herself the appropriate time or space to breathe...She hasn't told anyone...she can't really call in the the neighbors and say, "Hey, I need a little me time."

HE would get a High-Five from the guys for his activities.  She would get the finger from every woman she knows~those who have strayed and those who have not. Advice for the love-lorn? And on a side note, I got some backlash on this very thing last night...someone said, "That friend of yours needs to deal." <SIGH> you are missing the point; it's not about dealing with one failed relationship and moving on. It's never that simple.

And while we are discussing relationships, let's have at it:

Valentine's Day (which I do agree-bah-humbug, but that's me), or as I heard it called, Singles Awareness Day. <GUFFAW> Really? I can't go there? Is it to raise awareness and remind you that yes, you are single or is it to raise awareness that no one likes you the other 364 days of the year either...? WTF

Anyway, Valentine's Day, and mind you, I think there may be a place in Hallmark cards for Singles Awareness Day...

MEN-playing hockey on Valentine's Day is not an excuse to bail out on telling the woman you love (or think you love) that she matters (see story above, be careful) 
MEN-just because the woman in your life is out of town and things are not great, CALL HER, fucking CALL HER (see story above, be careful)
MEN-that roommate, as you call her, that cooks, cleans, puts up with your shit and has sex when you want-tell her thank you (see story above, be careful)

If I sound a bit anti-relationship, sorry. I ordered THIRTY of the "If you can't get your shit together, find another Valentine" cards, and I was told they were back-ordered. I wanted to send them to all my friends, male and female. 

Here is what I know, and some times Love really really sucks-AND Christ, all you guys take a deep breath-when we say LOVE, here's what I know: it's usually just strong LIKE. 

If we really meant love, you would know it because you wouldn't be able to stand UP, leave the bedroom and go to the kitchen to get us that glass of water, trust me.

So for those of you breaking into chills at the word LOVE, get over yourself. We LIKE you, we LOVE sunshine, puppies, flowers, chocolate, drinks with umbrellas, the first snowdrops, a dog on our feet, a door held open for us, steak done to perfection, someone who notices our joke...we really may love you, but don't panic, we are not IN LOVE WITH you....like a puppy,  yeah...

Here goes. 
Like of the moment is sweating when you stand near that person, catching your breath, feeling your hair and skin tingle. I think that's pheromones, men, no need to panic.

Like of the moment is meeting the person that you agreed to meet for lunch and a 'maybe' romantic tryst, and watching him blush.

Like of the moment is meeting a man and 4 months later meeting him again  and having him declare "He had been thinking for months how to get you into his home", not your pants, his home. <SIDE note: I heard you invited a woman as your <safe> date, really? To block that she-devil? BAH- get over yourself)

Love of the moment just means we appreciate the moment. Live in it. The women you know do, give them credit. 

**I have many opportunities to talk with men and woman. Believe it or not, most of the stories toight are from my men friends...
 

Who we love

Love? Why do we love who we love? I wish you would post a response on FB: Why do you love who you love?

Ugh, I started ten minutes ago with the obvious: Who we love is not dictated by social parameters; Your parents, your relationship status, your education blah blah blah...of course it is.

Who we love is certainly defined by those things; the, Good girl meets Bad boy, only goes so far when you are an adult, as does the 'wrong side of the tracks attraction'. Those things certainly have bearing, they are just changed by the Who we Love demographic.

Who we love? Suffice it to say that once you leave your twenty-somethings, the opportunity to meet, mix and mingle with people outside your filter bubble deteriorates. You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone you meet at your next social gathering will be:
A)of the same socio-economic class as you
B)in agreement on how your children should be raised/college aspirations
C)in support of gay marriage (or at least will tell you they are)
D)happy that hockey is on (or if they aren't, then their partner is)

Not a bad place to be; life is good, the Sabres have won their first two games against their worst rivals, your mortgage is paid this month, the kids have gotten into at least one of their top three prep-school choices, and your close boy-friends, not that there's anything wrong with that, are getting married.

So, who we love?  Sometimes it's proximity-admit it. The more time you spend with a person, the more attractive they become. Alternately, if you can't stand the individual, you may need to stick a sharp stick in their side. Proximity does wonders for friendships, love interests, and, your children. I think there are several traits my own loves and said children exhibit that I am blind to. Right? Love is blind? Love is not blind, one chooses to BE blind. Then why does it drive me bat-shit when you ignore my texts, roll your eyes at me and scoff, yes, scoff, at my comments. 

Translation: For many relationships: I don't like what I see, so I will pretend it isn't there.. How does that impact relationships? If the faults are minor, you move forward, everyone has issues, no one is perfect. If the faults are mind-numbing, or irreconcilable, then it becomes an issue of what is best for you and those you love. I have a very close friend currently going through that self-analysis. I would not entertain the notion that I can give advice. I don't wish that task on any one.

Who we love? Who we love , some loves never change. I ADORE my sweet girls right now. They are challenging, brutally honest, judgmental and kind. I won't swap them for ANYTHING, EVER. Who we love, though, changes every day. If you have never uttered a response to a child's comment,  "I HATE YOU" that is similar to, "Good, then I am doing my job." or, "Good. I don't like you either." then you don't have children or the wonderful opportunity to hang out with them.

Other loves change-more to be considered

But, yet again, I digress, sorry, I do that often. OK, it's like my friend Elizabeth says, "When you get one text from Jenn, you get two." <insert BITE ME> "Because she has to finish her thoughts, all of them."

OK, back to Who we Love and Why we Love who we Love
-proximity?need?excitement? Does love wax and wane like the rest of the interests in your life? Do you one day wake up and think, "I'm going to sew teddy bears for the next craft show, 'cause I LOVE teddy bears, and I can!" only to wake up two days later in the midst of fluff and stuff and button eyes to scream, "AUGHHHH! get me the fuck out of here!!"

GET ME OUT-Love wanes , I'm not telling you anything new, but it makes you feel better when someone else admits it..part of ever relationship should be an opt-out that opts you out of emotional decisions for a set period of time. Kind of a "Honey, today is not a really good day to push me on this.....guess what, tomorrow sucks too."

Ooops, hit a nerve? If one of you can raise your hand and admit that you have NEVER felt that way in your current relationship, well, please email me, as I will hand this blog over to you right now. Come on, y'all are chicken. And don't think <Poor Jenn's husband, Don....> Trust me, he feels that way. Often.

Seriously. Blogging is hard. I get lots of suggestions from my many readers, all 10 of you. Most of them compost in my brain until I can find a way to write about them; many just get tossed (really, another blog post on men and their junk? Go write your own).

OK, so back to waxing and waning, working at a relationship is hard. Throw in multiple relationships and hard turns into NEXT TO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.  More often I am involved in relationships that transcend just the two-we are friends, but include the...let's add this other couple, or my ex-girlfriend, or my ex-wife, or soon-to-be ex-wife; cause that's legal now, and we are friends; can I add Don? He's pretty level-headed and funny. Can I add my friend Elizabeth? She is raw but realistic. I think I should change my FB relationship status to "Its complicated".

So Who we Love? My loves make my stomach flip for roller coasters, worms, sushi and and a stolen kiss(with tongue), a quick cup of coffee, an unexpected goal at a hockey game, ice skating, skiing, a text or small "love you mom' note on my pillow, and a Ping to let me know. Love makes you feel like  you can take on the world, and like you can't even answer the telephone. If you love, love deeply. It's so worth it.

The Man Code

Lately, it seems, I've had multiple opportunities, more so than usual, to witness the basic differences between men and women.

OK, so STOP, quit with the Men are from Mars jokes. Before you read further, be warned off. You may be offended, you may wonder how I came upon this knowledge (good friends with a drink in their hands are willing to share...), you may not want to know. You may be shocked that your niece, your best friend's daughter, your sister, your mother may have contributed to this blog tonight. And I just want to say, some of my best friends are men.

Here goes...and the names have been excluded to protect the witnesses.

True story #1, "Dude, take a picture of my dick so I can send it to my girlfriend." Other dude, "OK."

Couldn't make that one up if I wanted to .....what the hell...? when I asked the 'model' about the aforementioned picture (mind you, I am not in possession of it, merely reporting on said activity), saying that I could never understand why that conversation would be considered 'normal' I was told, 'That's why we're boys. We never question." Right...you're 38

Two thoughts here:
1) Women, we could do better to live by a code where when it comes to other women we should try to accept and not ask why
2) Men, you should really keep your pants on
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True story #2, my girlfriend has a male friend who treats her like one of the guys. It really is all on the up and up.

That's all good, until he thinks he's crossed a line and gets all embarrassed and SHE has to backtrack and tell him it's all OK. SERIOUSLY, the two of you substitute phrases in movies to make them into porn titles and you get worried when you send her a picture of your Star Wars collection on your desk (let's not go there) when you have placed an Ewok at Princess Leia's backside in a suggestive position? I'm thinking you should more apologize for "Honey, I Spunked the Kids." Trust me, I have had to do damage control...
__________________________________________
And just to give a nod to my friend Elizabeth, a Speedo and 42F water temps do not a pretty picture paint...I'm just sayin'

Men. Never a dull moment, and I thank you for that.

What Else? The End of the World

The forecast for Buffalo is snow this weekend. We are certainly hoping for a white Christmas. The local forecasters call for a 'dusting' and 1-3 in the Southtowns.

The Weather Channel is issuing updates and Weather Underground is posting advisories on an hourly basis. Quite a sensation.

Truly, I think they are all just preparing for the end of the world tomorrow and they can't quite admit it.  Weather is better. Forecast an evil storm, blame it on the weather.

So, if you are home, waiting for the end of the world, please send all your cash to me,

AND  if you dare to comment, and you ARE all chicken, you read anonymously, never post comments and then you log off, BUT if you dare, please comment. If the end of the world were to come tomorrow, how did you live your life? Are you happy? Secure in your Ethernet obituary? Is there anything in your underwear drawer that you should throw away TODAY?

ME: I have tried to be kind and gentle. Sometimes my insecurities in myself cause me to be on the defensive and argumentative. I give what I can, love when it is needed, and try to stay positive. As for my underwear drawer...several years ago it went up in flames. All is good :)