Lately, it seems, I've had multiple opportunities, more so than usual, to witness the basic differences between men and women.
OK, so STOP, quit with the Men are from Mars jokes. Before you read further, be warned off. You may be offended, you may wonder how I came upon this knowledge (good friends with a drink in their hands are willing to share...), you may not want to know. You may be shocked that your niece, your best friend's daughter, your sister, your mother may have contributed to this blog tonight. And I just want to say, some of my best friends are men.
Here goes...and the names have been excluded to protect the witnesses.
True story #1, "Dude, take a picture of my dick so I can send it to my girlfriend." Other dude, "OK."
Couldn't make that one up if I wanted to .....what the hell...? when I asked the 'model' about the aforementioned picture (mind you, I am not in possession of it, merely reporting on said activity), saying that I could never understand why that conversation would be considered 'normal' I was told, 'That's why we're boys. We never question." Right...you're 38
Two thoughts here:
1) Women, we could do better to live by a code where when it comes to other women we should try to accept and not ask why
2) Men, you should really keep your pants on
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True story #2, my girlfriend has a male friend who treats her like one of the guys. It really is all on the up and up.
That's all good, until he thinks he's crossed a line and gets all embarrassed and SHE has to backtrack and tell him it's all OK. SERIOUSLY, the two of you substitute phrases in movies to make them into porn titles and you get worried when you send her a picture of your Star Wars collection on your desk (let's not go there) when you have placed an Ewok at Princess Leia's backside in a suggestive position? I'm thinking you should more apologize for "Honey, I Spunked the Kids." Trust me, I have had to do damage control...
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And just to give a nod to my friend Elizabeth, a Speedo and 42F water temps do not a pretty picture paint...I'm just sayin'
Men. Never a dull moment, and I thank you for that.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
What Else? The End of the World
The forecast for Buffalo is snow this weekend. We are certainly hoping for a white Christmas. The local forecasters call for a 'dusting' and 1-3 in the Southtowns.
The Weather Channel is issuing updates and Weather Underground is posting advisories on an hourly basis. Quite a sensation.
Truly, I think they are all just preparing for the end of the world tomorrow and they can't quite admit it. Weather is better. Forecast an evil storm, blame it on the weather.
So, if you are home, waiting for the end of the world, please send all your cash to me,
AND if you dare to comment, and you ARE all chicken, you read anonymously, never post comments and then you log off, BUT if you dare, please comment. If the end of the world were to come tomorrow, how did you live your life? Are you happy? Secure in your Ethernet obituary? Is there anything in your underwear drawer that you should throw away TODAY?
ME: I have tried to be kind and gentle. Sometimes my insecurities in myself cause me to be on the defensive and argumentative. I give what I can, love when it is needed, and try to stay positive. As for my underwear drawer...several years ago it went up in flames. All is good :)
The Weather Channel is issuing updates and Weather Underground is posting advisories on an hourly basis. Quite a sensation.
Truly, I think they are all just preparing for the end of the world tomorrow and they can't quite admit it. Weather is better. Forecast an evil storm, blame it on the weather.
So, if you are home, waiting for the end of the world, please send all your cash to me,
AND if you dare to comment, and you ARE all chicken, you read anonymously, never post comments and then you log off, BUT if you dare, please comment. If the end of the world were to come tomorrow, how did you live your life? Are you happy? Secure in your Ethernet obituary? Is there anything in your underwear drawer that you should throw away TODAY?
ME: I have tried to be kind and gentle. Sometimes my insecurities in myself cause me to be on the defensive and argumentative. I give what I can, love when it is needed, and try to stay positive. As for my underwear drawer...several years ago it went up in flames. All is good :)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Adios Dark Stranger
Now, before you think I've met the proverbial lover in the alley, stop, read
We never examine our life until we are confronted with death. Death of a loved one, a pet, a neighbor, a co-worker ~ makes us realize our mortality...UHM anything new here?
So with the Dark Stranger... You've read my FB post, you know he was just a fish. I count myself lucky that the Dark Stranger was gifted to me 11 some years ago by my cousin/sister/friend, Margaret.
The Dark Stranger truly was a gift. He was a teaching moment for friends, family and myself. MY GOD, he was a scum-sucking bottom feeder; the lowest of the low, to quote my old friend Ken (he found that disgusting, but I am pretty sure that's who he dated..).
Let me tell you, this 'bottom feeder' was much more savvy and smart than many of the people I encounter.
OK, he would beg like a gold fish and perform silly tricks like taking an algae tablet from your fingers (even in his olden days with cataracts), but more than that, he would sense you were there and just move his silky body up to the edge of the aquarium any time you were near, just to be close; just to let you know he was there~no expectations, just there, to be near you.
How many of your friends do that for you?
Those of you who had the good fortune of meeting him will mourn his passing. RIP
We never examine our life until we are confronted with death. Death of a loved one, a pet, a neighbor, a co-worker ~ makes us realize our mortality...UHM anything new here?
So with the Dark Stranger... You've read my FB post, you know he was just a fish. I count myself lucky that the Dark Stranger was gifted to me 11 some years ago by my cousin/sister/friend, Margaret.
The Dark Stranger truly was a gift. He was a teaching moment for friends, family and myself. MY GOD, he was a scum-sucking bottom feeder; the lowest of the low, to quote my old friend Ken (he found that disgusting, but I am pretty sure that's who he dated..).
Let me tell you, this 'bottom feeder' was much more savvy and smart than many of the people I encounter.
OK, he would beg like a gold fish and perform silly tricks like taking an algae tablet from your fingers (even in his olden days with cataracts), but more than that, he would sense you were there and just move his silky body up to the edge of the aquarium any time you were near, just to be close; just to let you know he was there~no expectations, just there, to be near you.
How many of your friends do that for you?
Those of you who had the good fortune of meeting him will mourn his passing. RIP
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Fashion?
Ladies, I am not one to comment on fashion, those who know me will confirm I am a girl who just puts clothes on because society deems it a necessity. Some days I don't even look in the mirror (GASP). Only two things concern me: back fat/saddle bags from my bra and the VPL
OK, those are biggies. But most recently, I have been observed with blue socks and black pants (Oh F-off, Elizabeth) and wearing one black and one blue sock, a by-product of getting dressed in the dark.
Today's topic, and forgive me, I KNOW many of you have these, and YOU KNOW I KNOW, but I digress...
Today's topic-the poncho. These were popular when I was 7. There's a very good reason they were popular when I was 7. It was the hippie era, ladies. No one gave a damn what you were wearing; everyone was high. No, NOT my 7-year-old self, you get what I mean.
One bit of advice: PUT THEM BACK ON THE BED WHERE THEY BELONG
Seriously. No one ever improved their image by taking their college-inspired* afghan off their bed and wearing it to work.
...I'm just sayin'
*NOTE: you can replace college with favorite sports team
OK, those are biggies. But most recently, I have been observed with blue socks and black pants (Oh F-off, Elizabeth) and wearing one black and one blue sock, a by-product of getting dressed in the dark.
Today's topic, and forgive me, I KNOW many of you have these, and YOU KNOW I KNOW, but I digress...
Today's topic-the poncho. These were popular when I was 7. There's a very good reason they were popular when I was 7. It was the hippie era, ladies. No one gave a damn what you were wearing; everyone was high. No, NOT my 7-year-old self, you get what I mean.
One bit of advice: PUT THEM BACK ON THE BED WHERE THEY BELONG
Seriously. No one ever improved their image by taking their college-inspired* afghan off their bed and wearing it to work.
...I'm just sayin'
*NOTE: you can replace college with favorite sports team
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Is it wrong
Oy...stream of conscious that
1: is not enough to blog about on it's own
2: I can't post on FaceBook
...is it wrong to wish my husband would JUST STOP TALKING-talk about fucking stream of conscious-holy shit. OK, maybe it's the Loritab, but...
He broke 4 ribs 8 days ago. I get that. Today we bought him a reclining chair so he could be comfortable and get some sleep. He can't sleep in the bed, he can't sleep on the couch, he tried sleeping standing up - but I pushed him over ;)
Anyway, this is the fugliest chair in the world. I think we've re-entered the 80's Italian Leather Era. It has enough "plush overstuffed leather cushions" on it to rival la donna.
_______________________________
....my dogs have all of a sudden become super dumb. It's November, so that means you can't open the door yourself, WHAT? My chocolate lab is able to work the handle on the front door to let herself in and out. Today, November 11 (Thank you Veterans), it is 60 degrees out at 12:00 AM (so really it's November 12), the back door is open. I have been enjoying music and wine and the quiet noise that IS NOT my husband pontificating. Today the dog decides she can't work the screen door.
Really? Today? You have been working that door for 4 years, you go in and out like you own the place.This is not the front door where you actually had to process how it works, this is a simple>nose>door>barrel through it option.
So I ask you, do I continue to sit here enjoying the beautiful weather, shaking my head at her learned stupidity, or do I cut the neighbors some slack and show her how she need merely stick her fat, blocky head through the edge of the door to open it.
________________________________
New angle, "Honey, you need to get up and move. While you're there, could you get me some wine? Oh...and the dogs need to go out.."
1: is not enough to blog about on it's own
2: I can't post on FaceBook
...is it wrong to wish my husband would JUST STOP TALKING-talk about fucking stream of conscious-holy shit. OK, maybe it's the Loritab, but...
He broke 4 ribs 8 days ago. I get that. Today we bought him a reclining chair so he could be comfortable and get some sleep. He can't sleep in the bed, he can't sleep on the couch, he tried sleeping standing up - but I pushed him over ;)
Anyway, this is the fugliest chair in the world. I think we've re-entered the 80's Italian Leather Era. It has enough "plush overstuffed leather cushions" on it to rival la donna.
_______________________________
....my dogs have all of a sudden become super dumb. It's November, so that means you can't open the door yourself, WHAT? My chocolate lab is able to work the handle on the front door to let herself in and out. Today, November 11 (Thank you Veterans), it is 60 degrees out at 12:00 AM (so really it's November 12), the back door is open. I have been enjoying music and wine and the quiet noise that IS NOT my husband pontificating. Today the dog decides she can't work the screen door.
Really? Today? You have been working that door for 4 years, you go in and out like you own the place.This is not the front door where you actually had to process how it works, this is a simple>nose>door>barrel through it option.
So I ask you, do I continue to sit here enjoying the beautiful weather, shaking my head at her learned stupidity, or do I cut the neighbors some slack and show her how she need merely stick her fat, blocky head through the edge of the door to open it.
________________________________
New angle, "Honey, you need to get up and move. While you're there, could you get me some wine? Oh...and the dogs need to go out.."
Friday, November 2, 2012
Life in the Hood
So funny story...aren't they all...?
I love living in the downtown area of Buffalo; I'm not sure we are a city anymore, feel free to correct me, but 'urban sprawl' has certainly taken its toll.
I had a conversation with my friend Deb today about her trip downtown last December 31st for FirstNight (A.K.A. 'the city', for my suburban natives who shudder at the thought of driving past the 90 exit on 33 heading WEST). She made mention of the fact that as they left Main Street, she took her boys on a trip through some of the less popular areas of the city. Boys being boys they noticed everything..."Hey, Mom! That man is peeing on the side of that building." "MOM! That man is KISSING a woman, and THAT woman is kissing another woman!" It was, after all, New Year's Eve.
Her response was,
"Close your eyes and pretend you're asleep."
As residents of downtown their entire lives, my daughters see things a bit differently. On a walk past the 'Old Pink' on a beautiful, quiet September afternoon, my nine-year-old was heard to disclaim,
"Oh, Mom, it's another one (another man peeing on the side of the building, they don't take notice
of who kisses whom; they only marvel at why you would kiss anyone that way). "
"Time to cross the street."
Now before you take a swipe at me for exposing my daughters to public expressions of affection or men peeing on the side of the Old Pink, stop and think about what we wish our children to celebrate in life...appreciating differences. I could give a rat's ass about the fact that a man is peeing in public, my greater concern is that he has nowhere else to pee...maybe, maybe not. But teaching our children to question, and teaching them tolerance and to embrace diversity is what it is all about.
And, shout out to Deb-she chose that route out of the city. She didn't happen on it by accident.
I love living in the downtown area of Buffalo; I'm not sure we are a city anymore, feel free to correct me, but 'urban sprawl' has certainly taken its toll.
I had a conversation with my friend Deb today about her trip downtown last December 31st for FirstNight (A.K.A. 'the city', for my suburban natives who shudder at the thought of driving past the 90 exit on 33 heading WEST). She made mention of the fact that as they left Main Street, she took her boys on a trip through some of the less popular areas of the city. Boys being boys they noticed everything..."Hey, Mom! That man is peeing on the side of that building." "MOM! That man is KISSING a woman, and THAT woman is kissing another woman!" It was, after all, New Year's Eve.
Her response was,
"Close your eyes and pretend you're asleep."
As residents of downtown their entire lives, my daughters see things a bit differently. On a walk past the 'Old Pink' on a beautiful, quiet September afternoon, my nine-year-old was heard to disclaim,
"Oh, Mom, it's another one (another man peeing on the side of the building, they don't take notice
of who kisses whom; they only marvel at why you would kiss anyone that way). "
"Time to cross the street."
Now before you take a swipe at me for exposing my daughters to public expressions of affection or men peeing on the side of the Old Pink, stop and think about what we wish our children to celebrate in life...appreciating differences. I could give a rat's ass about the fact that a man is peeing in public, my greater concern is that he has nowhere else to pee...maybe, maybe not. But teaching our children to question, and teaching them tolerance and to embrace diversity is what it is all about.
And, shout out to Deb-she chose that route out of the city. She didn't happen on it by accident.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Miss Representation
November 4 Update: After several days reflecting on the Irish step-dancer-porn-star comment, I realize that I let someone's judgement of me cloud my thinking, my perception of myself, and generally make me feel like crap.
How can women EVER expect to move forward in a culture where we continue to judge one-another. THAT, my friends, continues to be the culture women embody. The fact that she interrupted a conversation to call me that says boat-loads about how we treat one another. And this is a very forward thinking, intelligent woman. I've included a picture from the party. You decide.
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Original Post
I went to a screening of the documentary Miss Representation
http://www.missrepresentation.org/the-film/
only to discover how much we as women, oh yes, myself included, STILL embody the culture and the objectifying of women.
As my friend Elizabeth so bluntly put it, "We want to feel attractive, sexy, and looked at that way by men." Fuck. As a woman, I can't argue that statement.
What I can argue is that tonight I went to a Halloween party dressed as, of all things, an Irish dancer. Without even THINKING about it, I went from Irish step-dancer to Irish step-dancer-porn-star (Thank you, to my friend XXXXX for pointing out the subtle-obvious). I get it, right. Who doesn't want to feel like every forty-something husband in the room is taking you home in their fantasy tonight-EWWWWW!
The point is, I chose to 'dress up' in a costume that I had already decided was the accepted norm. I didn't give it a thought.
 |
| I'm the one on the left |
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Original Post
I went to a screening of the documentary Miss Representation
http://www.missrepresentation.org/the-film/
only to discover how much we as women, oh yes, myself included, STILL embody the culture and the objectifying of women.
As my friend Elizabeth so bluntly put it, "We want to feel attractive, sexy, and looked at that way by men." Fuck. As a woman, I can't argue that statement.
What I can argue is that tonight I went to a Halloween party dressed as, of all things, an Irish dancer. Without even THINKING about it, I went from Irish step-dancer to Irish step-dancer-porn-star (Thank you, to my friend XXXXX for pointing out the subtle-obvious). I get it, right. Who doesn't want to feel like every forty-something husband in the room is taking you home in their fantasy tonight-EWWWWW!
The point is, I chose to 'dress up' in a costume that I had already decided was the accepted norm. I didn't give it a thought.
Worst Mother of the Year 2012
The time is ripe, post your Worst Mother of the Year tale here: Somewhere in the mayhem of soccer, lacrosse, orchestra, cross country, hockey and dance we never...fill in the blanks...
-Sent my friend last year's birthday card
-bought our pumpkins
-carved our pumpkins
-found my daughter's boots
-put your sheets back on your bed (I'm sorry, you have a problem sleeping on a bare mattress for 2 weeks? Do it yourself, oh wait...you can't reach the bed)
...fill in the blanks my friends, leave a comment. Anyone who is a mother has been there...
-Sent my friend last year's birthday card
-bought our pumpkins
-carved our pumpkins
-found my daughter's boots
-put your sheets back on your bed (I'm sorry, you have a problem sleeping on a bare mattress for 2 weeks? Do it yourself, oh wait...you can't reach the bed)
...fill in the blanks my friends, leave a comment. Anyone who is a mother has been there...
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