Who's your Paddy, What's your Beef, or Fuck YOU you Fucking fuck

You decide.....In honor of the Irish (pasta and potatoes here, friends~Irish and Italian, that's why you love me but find me so damn infuriating).

Shout out to Jenifer for suggesting I write about the best way to cook corned beef.
Shout out to Paul for using FB as his social worker and parole officer.
Shout out to Ann for the awesome t-shirt that says, Fuck YOU, you fucking fuck (you win the prize).

That kind of sums relationships up. How do you cook your corned beef? Think about it...

Do you put it in the crock pot (slow cooker for anyone under the age of 30) and let it go for 8 hours, unattended?

Do you boil it for hours (suggested Food Network critics say 45-60 min per pound), check it every so often and enjoy the results.

Do you throw it in the pot, realize you screwed it up, take it out, rinse it off, try again (don't forget that nasty little piece of stuff that looks like a kotex and is designed to absorb extra moisture-oh shit, it's stuck to the back-take it back out of the pot), apologize to all your FBBFFs that you may have ruined the party with your obsessive apologizing, re-post in case people missed it, and throw it in the pot, again?

Do you oven roast it with beer and baste it, cover it, uncover it, and let it sit for 30 minutes, post-hot oven so all the juices mingle?

St Patrick suggested that how you cook corned beef, is probably how you approach your relationships.
-Does your love slowly simmer unattended all day with nary a glance?
-Does your love sit on the back burner most of the day with a few sniffs, nibbles and pokes until you finally decide it's time?
-Has your love told you it's time to get your shit together, stop using FB as your sounding board (your friends only hit "LIKE" because they don't know what to say...)
-Or do you glance longingly at your love as she/he simmers, bubbles and basks in the heat, while knowing they are adored and someone is waiting for them?

It's no secret food and relationship are analogous, but let's put it another way:

-IF you let your love simmer all day unattended, he/she will become tough, dry and unpleasant

-IF you put your love on the back burner with an occasional text, punctuated with some seasoning that blasts them for noticing they have been placed on the back burner, you wind up with this:  "I can't handle the pressures of corned beef, potatoes AND carrots...They make me want to explode"
**Note to friend: YOU are the one that put yourself in that position-one cannot be compared to the other (nor should they), and NONE of them are similar, get over it. They all taste different, be smart and don't go out for cabbage.

-IF you post your drama all over FB and apologize for bad behavior but don't change it, well, then your love reverts to #1, tough, dry and unpleasant.

-BUT, if you are one of those chefs that adds a little wine or Guinness and cooks their corned beef slowly in a hot oven, with a lot of attention, basting, turning, checking the temperature, adjusting if things get too hot or unpleasant, then-hats off to YOU. Everyone will be knocking on your door to get some.